So here are some pictures of my beautiful mother, she is the most amazing woman in my life and I love her to death! God has blessed me with such an amazing and strong woman in my life and I’d be nothing without her. I love you mom, happy Mother’s Day!
Part of me wants to be with someone and have a boyfriend but the other part is so disgusted with being gay that it wants no part of that shit do you see my problem here?
I think God made the movie Sucker Punch to save me. The story, characters, and music affect me in ways I can’t even explain. The night I lost my job and felt so depressed because I didn’t think I could pay rent or be able to get another job was the night I almost killed myself. The whole time my boss was talking about why she was letting me I was thinking about how I was gonna die that night. I had a pair of scissors and held them to my wrist. I didn’t think about my family because I knew they could get through my death; they got through my uncle’s and that was devastating. They would be strong enough to handle mine. But God stopped me. I know He did because I thought about Him. What would he say to me when I met Him. Would Jesus embrace me with tears in his eyes, and then my uncle? Would God tell me how much better my life could have been? Would He have shown it to me? Would that boy have been in my future? I put the scissors away and I think I watched some scenes from that movie and listened it’s version of Where is My Mind. If I didn’t then that would be weird since I always do when I’m feeling depressed, and that was definitely a depressing moment in my life. I don’t know what it is about that song and movie, but it helped save me. So I have to thank Zack Snyder and the actors for making the film, and God. If it wasn’t for Him I wouldn’t be here now.
For National Siblings Day I wrote a post on facebook to my lil bro and sis, thought I’d share it on here since people are also posting about it on tumblr.
Apparently it’s National Siblings Day so to BreAnna Smith and Raymond Smith I’d like for you both to know how much I love you. You guys were my first friends I ever had, and the friends who I will always have till I die and after. We’ve had a lot happen between the three of us through the years and we may have drifted a little. That’s why I think it would be great if sometime in the future the three of us take a trip somewhere, just us and have fun somewhere. I’m always gonna need you guys in my life, even though I have a hard time opening up I feel comforted in the fact that you guys are always there for me, and I hope you know I’m there for you if you ever need me. So this is to you, my younger brother and sister, I love you guys!
So damn true :(
My tree is Oak,my animal is Wren, Otter, and White Horse and my gemstone is diamond. That’s pretty cool!!
Oh yeah big news guys I’m gonna be an uncle!!!!!!!
I really hate it when my parents buy me knew clothes or new shoes. Not that I don’t appreciate it cause I do. It’s just that they could have spent that money on something actually important, like food or rent.
I am just so done with this being gay shit. I’m not gay anymore, I don’t care what anyone says I am done with it. I have never been more miserable in my life since discovering I was gay. Being in the closet wasn’t nearly half as bad as this shit.
So I’ve heard a lot about Lent and I’ve never actually heard it before or what it meant. Apparently during this time you are suppose to give up a certain luxury of some kind, like a kind of food or activity or something? I’m not sure what I would give up. I don’t know maybe I won’t masturbate for Lent or something. But I thought a lot about it and I think I will use this time to pray. Every night for Lent I’m going to pray. It’s been way too long since I have and I’ve felt myself getting farther and farther away from God. So every night during Lent I’m going to pray. Not sure what I’ll say but I want to get into the habit of it again like when I was younger and I wasn’t clouded by the all the crap of the world. So come Ash Wednesday I’m gonna participate in Lent and pray.
Every time I see my mom write on my uncle’s facebook page about what is going on with the family and with his kids I realize just how much she misses him. It’s been about a year since he’s passed and we’re all starting to get better and move on. R.I.P Tony Ridge.
So I’m coming to realize that I’m never gonna be happy or proud being gay. Maybe one day I’ll be able to accept it as is, but that’s it really.