A couple of things I’m glad I’m not: I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who sleeps around because that’s what they think they have to do and can’t find any fulfillment in their lives. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who has daddy issues and sleeps with older men. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who thinks it’s ok and hot to sleep with your father or your brother or uncle or any male of your family and has done it. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys whos life is completely engraved into being gay. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who thinks sleeping with someone is a good way to get back at someone. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who is obsessed with sex. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who tries to sleep with straight men, who thinks all straight men are secretly gay, or want to have sex with other men, who take advantage of an intoxicated straight guy. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who thinks the gay community is whites only. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who uses the word “preference” as a way to mask his racism. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys who thinks it’s ok to inappropriately touch women and think it’s ok because they’re gay or use women as an accessory. I’m glad I’m not one of those gay guys obsessed with gay culture, gay apps, who hashtag ever thing with gay in it, who turn everything in their lives to match their sexuality, who put up rainbow flags in their houses, who worship gay porn stars like their celebrities and role models or like porn is a great career choice along with being a gogo boy, who obsess over underwear and models and discriminate against people in their own community for being any aspect of different that isn’t a white muscular gay male. All of these things make me happy I’m not one of those gay males and if being a gay male means being any of this shit right here, then I am not a gay male.

Had an interesting conversation a night ago with a friend about her gay friend. When he came out and became apart of the gay community he started changing and acting completely different that how he was and stopped being friends with her. He was friends with only gay guys and stopped talking to her. This is something that does happen a lot to young gay guys just coming out and joining the community, they start to change so that they can fit in with to the communities ideals and standards. Just so they can feel accepted and not be left alone. I know this because I felt it happening to me a few years ago when I came out. I feel very lucky that I got out of the community before that happened. I may not be the best person I can be, but I’d rather be this way than be molded into something I’m not by the gay community.

Confession

I do apologize for anyone who doesn’t like my rants about gay guys. Allow me to fell you in on something about me. Growing up my mother told me that I was special because I got to be two things; I got to be both black and white. I believed her and I always felt special and proud of that. It was something I valued so closely to my heart. When I came out and became apart of the gay community that piece of me was slowly ripped out over the course of two years. Being half white and black was no longer beautiful and special to me. It was ugly and wrong. I became ashamed of being half black. I felt ugly for being mixed. That was a special part of me that was ripped out of my heart and I don’t know if I’ll get it back ever again. So I apologize if you don’t like what I have to say. I will never forgive the community for taking that away from me.

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