So I’ve heard a lot about Lent and I’ve never actually heard it before or what it meant. Apparently during this time you are suppose to give up a certain luxury of some kind, like a kind of food or activity or something? I’m not sure what I would give up. I don’t know maybe I won’t masturbate for Lent or something. But I thought a lot about it and I think I will use this time to pray. Every night for Lent I’m going to pray. It’s been way too long since I have and I’ve felt myself getting farther and farther away from God. So every night during Lent I’m going to pray. Not sure what I’ll say but I want to get into the habit of it again like when I was younger and I wasn’t clouded by the all the crap of the world. So come Ash Wednesday I’m gonna participate in Lent and pray.

You know it’s fine if you’re not religious. What isn’t fine is insulting people who are and saying that they are limiting themselves for being religious or sharing with their kids a religion that has brought joy and meaning to their lives. Religion has been around for many years, and has a large amount of history and lessons to it. People who live by a religion are not limited or close minded. They are in fact more open minded to the world, how it works, and the meaning behind it. It has teachings that people live by to have better lives and to be better people. They are no different really to anyone elses morals or principles. So don’t say religion limits people, because it doesn’t. You limit yourself when you say that.

It’s really strange to think that one year ago on this day I lost one of the most important people in my life. It just doesn’t make any sense. How is he not here when he has always been there? My life without him doesn’t make any sense, it doesn’t seem logical. But although I am sad, I’m not really suffering. Cause I know death is not an end. It’s a new beginning. You’ve taken the next stage in life and I can’t even imagine what that stage must be like. But someday I will, and I hope I’ll see you there, ready to show me the ropes. I love and miss you Uncle Tony, I’ll see you when my time comes! Until then, try not to cause too much of a ruckus for Jesus :)

"If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything"

I’ve always thought this was a very interesting quote. Cause in a way the thing you stand for is the thing you fell for. So how do we know if what we stand for is something we truly believe in and not something we’ve fallen for because of what others say. Some people would say I’ve fallen for the religious words of preachers and priest and that I can’t think for myself because I believe in God. That’s not true. Growing up I was raised Christian and taught about God and went to church and sometimes Sunday school. But it was never really forced on me. It was a belief my family shared that was strong, meaningful, and beautiful to them and had done wonders for their lives. They wanted me to experience that. So for a long time I grew up with this image of God as a loving father who looked after his children. At one point a very life changing, thing happened to me; I found out that I was gay. This really scared me. Not because I believed I was going to Hell. Never in my time growing up did my family ever say I was going to Hell, or that gays were going to Hell. I was scared of how others would react, particularly my best friend. I still believed in God and that He still loved me no matter what. My family took the news well, they were a little shocked, but everyone accepted me, extended family included. My mom’s uncle was gay, and my great grandmother Mary, who was the law of the family and a very deeply devote Christian, made sure that no one would judge him or treat him differently. He was gay and that was fine. God loved him and so would everyone else! If she were still alive and heard about me being gay I know it would be no different. So with this loving family supporting me it sounds like I would have had a breeze accepting myself right? No. Though there were others who were like my family, many were not. Many hated me and other gay people and believed we were sinners and that God would damn us to hell for being gay. This was not the God I was raised to believe in. It kind of shook the foundation of my faith and for a long time I didn’t know what to believe in, I wondered if God did exist. This went on for a long time. At some point I had did a lot of deep thinking about it. I asked myself, did I believe God existed? Every time I did, there was a voice in my head saying, come one now yes he does, you know it don’t be silly. This voice was not the voice of a preacher, nor family member, nor any other religious person. This voice was my voice. I was telling myself what I believed in. That is something that I think is very important for us all. We have to be the ones who tell ourselves what to believe in. Not some outside figure, but us. I came out of that experience with my faith strong and intact. This was what I believed in and no one could change that. God is real, he loves me and I need to bring myself out of the darkness and into his light. I still haven’t fully accepted being gay, and I don’t really like most gay men or the gay community. But I will try to be the man God wants me to be, it may take some time but I’ll get there eventually. One day I will love myself, and God will be there with me every step of the way.

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